It's none of your business.

We were married three years before we started 'trying' for a baby. Amazingly, I got pregnant straight away but unfortunately it wasn't to be and all was lost early in the pregnancy. Two further miscarriages followed before an egg stayed put two years later.


Throughout this time, and since we got together in 2000, the barrage of 'when are you having a baby then?' questions was ridiculous. Even my friend's Mum thought it her business to tell me I 'shouldn't leave it too late'. I'm 29 and was 26 when I became pregnant with my son. Hardly ancient. My mother in law asked me at our engagement party when I would be having children. I was 18! People I didn't even know would ask me at weddings, as if it were par for the course to request extremely personal information from me.


I tried all the jokey responses but it wore thin. I think that unless you have gone through the heartbreak that can come with trying for a baby, you cannot appreciate what someone could be going through. I think that it is such a personal thing and really isn't something we should ask with such reckless abandon. Maybe I am just a prude.


When I had a my son, I thought it would stop. How wrong can a girl be? Very, it seems. 'So, when are you having your next child?' became the next thing people would ask, sometimes before 'how are you?'. I was told, in more detail than a person should ever have to hear, exactly how to 'make a girl' by my mother in law. I am still very scarred by this.


When I got pregnant it was met with disapproval from some 'ooh, it's too soon after your son (18mths old). Then the questions about would I like a girl or a boy followed and the utter shock when I said I would like another boy. 'But you already have one.' 'Wouldn't you prefer one of each'. 'Oh but it would be lovely to have a girl'.


I did, much to my surprise, have a girl and, yes, it is lovely to have one of each. I would have loved a boy though. I always thought I'd end up having lots of sons!


Now when we are asked if we're having any more, we just say no. Whilst I don't know if that is true or not. It's true for now. We live in a two bedroom house and I am about to start university so it's definitely a no for the next three years at least.


You can rest assured that you will never be asked by me, 'when are you having children?' or 'when will the next one be coming along'. Whilst I might like to know, I will leave it up to you to share this information with me if and when you want to.
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