Divorce

Tis the season of goodwill, festivities, presents and, um, divorce. Over the festive period Relate have previously reported a 50% rise in the number of phone calls received over the festive period. It's not surprising that Christmas can spark the end of a relationship, for even a slightly shaky relationship it's stressful and can easily cause disputes.

I published a post back in August about how divorce effected me as a child. Looking back on it, I feel like it was a bit negative. Of course, as with everything in life, you can draw a positive from a bad situation, so I will try and find the positives from my Mum and Dad splitting up.

I guess the first thing was their timing. I was four and my sisters were two and six months. The timing was good. Ok, not for my Mum maybe, but for us it was good. I don't really ever remember them being together and my sisters definitely don't. At the time, yes it had a huge effect on me. My Mum asked me to draw how I felt, because I wouldn't talk about anything. I agreed, as long as she did it too. My Mum drew a wobbly jelly on a table, with a window and a rainbow outside the window. I drew a tiny heart, with a jagged edge running through it. I have to admit that the thought of a toddler drawing this picture makes me cry even now! But my Mum's picture, she knew that life was unsure, but that there was hope in the future.

Secondly, my Mum and Dad have always stayed good friends. I don't just mean that they get on and put on a front when they are around each other, they actually get on. My Dad is on his fourth wife now and they are happy. My Mum has not had any relationships since she and my Dad split up and she is happy. We have never seen them argue or say a bad word about each other. They have a mutual appreciation for each other and it shows.

Thirdly, (and this is the materialistic child in me talking), we used to get twice, if not three times as many presents at Christmas and birthdays. We got to go on at least two holidays each summer (camping in Wales, a trip to Devon and a stay at my Grandma's). These things were good.

I can't comment on what it would have been like if they hadn't split up, because they did. I didn't know what it was like with a man living in our house because it never happened. I have always been a tomboy and I wonder if that is because I tried to take on the role of my father. Apparently when I was about 3 I asked when my willy was going to grow so that I could be like Daddy! (It never did grow I'm happy to add). However, I got a football season ticket and a job as a football analyst. I have always been drawn to male dominated environments and got on better with men than women. Who's to say this has anything to do with my Dad leaving though; this may have been what I was always going to be like.

I don't know if I've quite managed what I set out do, which is to show that divorce can be ok. Yes, its not an ideal situation, but it can be the best option in so many cases. Ultimately, If you can stay friends, in spite of your differences, then that really will make the world of difference to your children.

8 comments

  1. I do feel somewhat miffed that my long term affair with your Mum hasn't been recognised - although I concede that it might have been more in my mind than in reality...........

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  2. It's nice to hear a positive outcome of divorce. Must have been really good for you and your sisters that your mum and dad remain friends. It's the opposite of the scale for my parents. They played the children off of each other and forever slating the other parent to us children.

    It's nice to know that there can be a happy ending xx

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  3. @Affer I think it probably was more in your mind, along with what, I dread to think!

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  4. @Rachel It is very nice that they're good friends. There is no resentment and that's always been good for us to see. It sounds like you had it pretty tough!

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  5. I am married to my third husband now. My first husband and I are still bestest of friends and that really makes a huge difference for the children though it wasn't as always as good between us as it is now...

    He's the mastermind programmer behind the Love Blogs forms to join in!

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  6. Good to show a balanced view. I can see why Christmas is a time which brings relationships to a head. It's so stressful and yet you have an idea in your head of how it should be.

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  7. Thank you. Yes, Christmas can be so stressful. I guess people's ideas of Christmas are different too - so it's never going to live up to both of your expectations!

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  8. Its a good thing that both of them are still friends. Thanks.

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