A family shift

As most of you are aware, my Dad had a heart attack back in June. Luckily it was a mild one and within two weeks he had a triple bypass. I hadn't realised before that if you have a bad heart attack then you are unable to have a bypass because of the damage done to your heart. Anyway, I digress. The week that he went home from hospital, some family shizzle went down (not directly involving me) and unfortunately things haven't been the same since.

There has been a shift in the dynamic between me and my Dad and that makes me sad. To cut a long story short, whilst my dad was there for me when I was growing up, I was never able to tell him anything about me and we ended up in a situation where he really didn't know me. All this changed when he divorced his wife (who had made my life hell from the age of 8). All of a sudden, when I got into my 20's, I had a dad who I could confide in. We finally started to get to know each other. I liked it. Finally feeling like he was there for me, I could rely on him.

Now it has changed again. It feels awkward and conversations are hard work. Our I desperately hope that this change is reversible, that we can get back to where we were before. For now though I have to grin and bear it I guess, hoping that one day soon we can talk like we used to.

You can't chose your family and, for some reason, that makes them harder to get on with! Have you had anything similar happen? What would you recommend I do now?

8 comments

  1. I can't really give any advise about how to deal with 'getting along' with your Dad, but all I can say is (as you already know)after losing my Dad suddenly earlier this year, I
    do look back and wish I had said/done a few more things to let him know how much I loved and appreciated him. We all have busy lives and tend to take things for granted sometimes, especially when it comes to family. I know that I am like this when it comes to my sister. We are not terribly close, although I do go over and stay a couple of times a year. I find her extremely hard work to make conversation with and tbh we are totally opposites. I know I don't ring her enough and I am sure she thinks the same. Family can be hardwork sometimes, but this year has but things into reality a little bit and made me realise personally that I should try a little bit harder to appreciate them more. Maddy xxx

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment Maddy. I need to let him know how I am feeling about what has happened. It won't be easy but I hope once it is out there it will make it more bearable.

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  2. I can't begin to imagine how hard this must be. My dad died in 2001 and I was extremely close to him. We didn't talk a great deal but we had a magical bond and to lose him changed my life forever.

    My only advice to you, as someone who lost her dad, is to make the first move - try and talk to him, lay in on the table how you feel. When he's gone you will no longer get that chance. There are so many things I wished I'd told my dad.

    CJ x

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    1. Thank you CJ. He is hopefully coming to stay in a couple of weeks so I will try and tell him how I feel.

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  3. My relationships with my mum and sister are very complicated. I have built and rebuilt the relationships with them many times to the point I'm at now where I don't have the emotional energy to do it anymore.
    However back when I did my advice would be to keep lines of communication open, as much as possible. Keep things upbeat and spend time together and eventually the awkwardness will shift and you will find yourself back to normal.

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    1. Thank you so much. Families really can be such hard work. I hope that we can get back to 'normal'.

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  4. My dad had a double bypass a couple of years ago, so I know where you are coming from! It's worth bearing in mind that people who have had bypass operations are prone to depression afterwards. Nobody is quite sure why, but theories range from the physiological to the fact that a heart attack/heavy duty op makes you confront your own mortality! So if you can just be there for him, it may well pass...

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    1. Thank you. It made me question his existence so it wouldn't be surprising that he would!

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