Dear Beautiful Boy

Dear beautiful boy,

Last week you started pre-school, my little baby boy. You will have to excuse me for that but you will always be my baby boy, no matter how old, tall, strong, gruff or smelly you get. You had been nervous about starting, whenever we asked you about pre-school you changed the subject so we soon learnt not to mention it. You had uniforms handed down to me from the childminder. You have seen two different children wear those very same clothes over the last two years and I really think that helped.

When it came to Monday morning you were excited. We went to get your haircut because it had grown rather unruly while we were on holiday in France. You sat so still and giggled throughout while I sat  reading the paper (which I never get the time to do at home). You squealed with delight and ran to get the lollipop when you were finished. Then we went home, had lunch and got you into your nursery uniform. You looked so grown up with your new clothes and your new Wiggles bag, sent over from Australia!
Then it was time. We walked the ten minute walk to pre-school together, hand in hand. Your hand was shaking a little which made me feel like crying! You were clearly nervous but also excited, a rather potent mixture. When we got there you gave me a hug and you were off, leaving me standing there looking at this amazing creature I helped create. I went and sorted out some admin and when I came out you were riding a bike around outside. You didn’t even notice that I was watching. I walked away and shed a tear.

This is the beginning. There is no looking back. I felt such guilt that I haven't spent more time with you. That my three days a week with you are not enough, never were enough and never will be enough. I can’t change it though and I had to work. The four days you get with me, Daddy and T have been lovely and you have had such a brilliant time with the childminder. Honestly way more fun than it ever would have been at home with me and T.
You are utterly beautiful and sometimes when I look at you it takes my breath away. Singing, dancing and being funny are what you do best. You are an entertainer. You love putting on shows for people and singing. The fact that you know every word to ‘One Thing’, by One Direction disturbs me only a little. You are confident, bubbly and a little bit bossy. I really hope that doesn’t change. I think you might need to learn to stick up for yourself. You are nice and the other children might take advantage. Just remember that they are mostly younger than you and they have a lot to learn about sharing and being kind.

When you asked me on Thursday night if you had finished pre-school for good now, I felt bad that you still have until July to go yet! My only consolation being that you still have Fridays off. Our day together. By some small miracle, my university timetable still allows me that day off too. So I still have time to spend with my little boy. Next year it will all change again when you start school. I am not thinking about that yet!

In the words of your other favourite song, you can be whatever you want to be. Honestly, you can, believe in yourself as much as we do and you will flourish. I love you little boy.
Mummy x