Yesterday was exam results day. I was petrified. I didn't feel the exams had gone as well as they could have and I wasn't convinced that I had pushed myself quite hard enough. I really struggled with macroeconomics and I failed my first coursework of the year so I knew I would have to pull out all the stops with my revision on that one. There was only one exam which went well on the day and that was one which I would have been happy to sit without revising it.
So for the last few weeks I have been really on edge, not relaxed and rather stressed. For the pas two nights I have been having nightmares about failing. I checked when the re-sits are and worked out when I would need to revise for them.
I struggle with confidence when it comes to academia after years of being told I wasn't good enough, or teachers calling me stupid in front of others. So I think I always fear the worst, that I won't be good enough, or I haven't worked hard enough, or I simply can't do as well as others. I sometimes need to take a step back and realise I am at a top ten university which I wouldn't have got into without good grades and I am doing as well as my fellow students in spite of having children and a long commute.
So yesterday morning I logged in a bit earlier than the 10am that the results were being published. I thought that I would log in and refresh the page later because I knew the system would be overloaded at 10. I was so surprised to find that the results were already there. I was even more surprised to discover that I had passed every single module. Even macroeconomics! I am so ridiculously happy.
In one module, Modern Political Thought, I somehow got A+ in every single exam question, giving me a first overall for that module when included with my B- and B+ coursework. Overall, for my second year at university I have achieved a 2:1 and am feeling very proud. I had assumed I would be on a third or a 2:2 and have to work really hard to drag it up. Instead, I now have the chance to possibly achieve a first, if I work incredibly hard next year. I never, ever thought that might be an option. So here's to working harder than I ever have and getting a great degree next year.
I struggle with confidence when it comes to academia after years of being told I wasn't good enough, or teachers calling me stupid in front of others. So I think I always fear the worst, that I won't be good enough, or I haven't worked hard enough, or I simply can't do as well as others. I sometimes need to take a step back and realise I am at a top ten university which I wouldn't have got into without good grades and I am doing as well as my fellow students in spite of having children and a long commute.
So yesterday morning I logged in a bit earlier than the 10am that the results were being published. I thought that I would log in and refresh the page later because I knew the system would be overloaded at 10. I was so surprised to find that the results were already there. I was even more surprised to discover that I had passed every single module. Even macroeconomics! I am so ridiculously happy.
In one module, Modern Political Thought, I somehow got A+ in every single exam question, giving me a first overall for that module when included with my B- and B+ coursework. Overall, for my second year at university I have achieved a 2:1 and am feeling very proud. I had assumed I would be on a third or a 2:2 and have to work really hard to drag it up. Instead, I now have the chance to possibly achieve a first, if I work incredibly hard next year. I never, ever thought that might be an option. So here's to working harder than I ever have and getting a great degree next year.
